Not How I Pictured It
by EpicJamsandwich
Summary: Merlin wakes up from a nightmare and finds he landed himself in one he can't wake up from. Arthur is taking things … well, he doesn't seem to quite get it. (Reveal)
1. Chapter 1: It could have been worse

**Chapter 1. It could have been worse**

It had been stressful for everyone in Camelot, especially for Merlin. The skinny, black-haired boy had been put through his paces over the last few months and it had gradually been taking its toll. Though he certainly had not had time to let the events catch up with him. Only now, when he finally had the chance to relax a bit, did everything settle.

A year had passed where Camelot had been relatively peaceful. Apart from the odd assassin or druid in the wrong place at the wrong time, Merlin had not had to deal with that many problems. People whom he had become friends with had been knighted under Arthur who was acting as regent while his father, King Uther, had taken ill. With the king nearly out of the picture, executions were scarce. Morgana had hidden herself after she had been revealed a traitor and had been quiet for the most part. They occasionally had a sighting reported to them but there was never any evidence behind each claim.

It was the night of Samhain when everything began to spiral out of control. Morgana had finally made her move. The Veil between worlds was opened, and dark spirits of death threatened them every night. In closing the veil, Merlin had lost one of his closest friends and secret keeper, Lancelot. The warlock blamed himself for everything that had happened. He had become complacent. Death weighed him. He was spared no moment to mourn him. Arthur still needed him.

Preparations for the prince's birthday started immediately. Camelot needed a distraction from all the grief and fear. The celebration was the excuse they needed. Arthur was almost back to his cheery, ignorant self. The king had recovered a great deal from the mental illness that played him since Morgana's betrayal and attended the feast. In hindsight, Merlin should have seen it coming. There had been an attempt at Arthur's life. Unfortunately, it had been partially successful. The King protected his son, and as a result lay on his deathbed. Merlin's endeavour to heal him backfired, snuffing out any positive view from Arthur on magic.

Then there was the coronation, the dragon egg, the threat from Queen Annis, the fomorroh that had forced him to try to kill Arthur, Gaius's torture at the hands of Morgana and Alator which had almost revealed his identity as Emrys, and most recently the Lamia girl creature that had controlled the knights.

What the Knights had said to him whilst under the Lamia's influence had hurt him but had reminded Merlin of his position. He was just a servant. If his magic was to be found out by the king, it would be no skin off his back to execute him immediately. No one would defend him. Apart from Gaius, he was alone. And he had almost lost the fond old man the same way he had lost Lancelot, and his father, and Freya, and Will.

With all that in mind, it was no wonder that he woke up the last few nights screaming.

His magic had been reacting to Merlin's emotions more than what Gaius had deemed normal due to all of the stress that it had been under, particularly from his time with Morgana and the fomorroh. It would settle if it was given the chance to. Until then, Merlin had to be extra careful.

Trying to reign in his magic, though, was easier said than done. Merlin was suffering from spurts of accidental magic that absolutely refused to be tamed. It was becoming more than an inconvenience, and Merlin was getting concerned with how active it was. Gaius had agreed. He had prescribed undisturbed bed rest and sleeping tonics.

Arthur hadn't been happy about Merlin getting time off so suddenly, but relented as everyone eventually did under the court physician's all-knowing stare. Actually, diagnosing him with something, this time being mild inanition and acute exhaustion, had helped somewhat. At least the excuse this time was believable.

Unfortunately, leaving Merlin alone to his thoughts didn't help his mental state at all. In fact, it was wearing him down even more. Without his regular, routine chores and endless chatter to use as a constant distraction, the servant could only dwell on things that he had otherwise put aside. All of the built-up emotions began pouring out, resulting in his magic going haywire. What little control he did have was now completely gone.

He gave in to it and let it do what it wanted. It wouldn't matter so long as he was alone, and Gaius was in on his secret so it wouldn't matter if he saw. So long as he kept to his room, at the far end of the physician's chamber, no one would see.

The nightmares that persisted every night were always accompanied by strange feats of instinctual magic. He had started a fire in the wardrobe, made the walls light up, changed his hair colour, and made everything near him float or be tossed about the room. Merlin had to wonder if this was what his mother had to deal with when he was young.

On waking up on one night, in particular, crying out Arthur's name, what he hadn't expected was Arthur to come barging through the doors, sword in hand and ready for battle. He must have been in the corridor. Arthur, half in shock and half in fear, stopped suddenly after a couple of steps into the chamber. Merlin realised in horror that he was staring at something that hovered above his nose.

Immediately, objects fell with a loud clatter. Merlin had become so used to having his magic react in this way over the past few days, that he had unconsciously dismissed the flying goblet, thankfully empty chamber pot, and half dirty clothes until now. Arthur gaped at him, fighting the urge to step backwards. His sword shook in his right hand.

Merlin froze stiffly, back firmly pressed to the small headboard. Arthur had seen. He clamped his eyes tightly, not wanting to see the look of disgust that was undoubtedly etched into his King's face.

He heard the King pace towards him.

"Merlin, look at me", he spoke quickly with authority. Merlin hesitantly opened his eyes and let them settle on his face, still panicked but obedient. "I know you didn't mean it. You won't become like Morgana. We can fix this."

Merlin choked down a lump that had formed in his throat, confused. "Morgana?"

"Shh", Arthur hushed him. Merlin hadn't realised he was crying. "Don't worry. I won't let magic corrupt you." Arthur was on the bed now, holding his servant's shoulders. "Gaius overcame this. I know he was a sorcerer before the Great Purge. He'll help. I know he will."

"Gaius?" Merlin was barely able to get a word out. The physician was out on his rounds.

Arthur nodded and attempted to calm his friend. "Gaius needs to know, Merlin, or he can't help you. I know you're scared. I'd be surprised if you weren't. We both know you are terrified of magic."

Merlin really didn't know what was going on. He was sure that Arthur knew of his magic. That was a given. And he wasn't exactly not accepting it. There was no sword pointed at his throat, or guards called in to arrest him. Arthur wasn't yelling at him about betrayal and execution.

"I…I'm a sorcerer, Arthur. I have magic."

"You are not a sorcerer, Merlin. You've been unwell for a while. Your illness. You must have caught it off someone."

That wasn't quite how it worked. "Catch magic?"

"Don't worry, Merlin", he repeated. "I won't allow magic to corrupt you. I refuse to lose another person close to me."

Merlin couldn't help but smile at that. Not a big one. It was slight and gentle, hardly noticeable.

"Are you saying we're friends?" Merlin jibed.

"Don't be stupid, Merlin", Arthur replied half-heartedly. He playfully smacked his servant over the head.

The atmosphere in the room calmed. Merlin let out a breath he was holding, only to see Arthur do the same. The pair sat on the bed in silence. Arthur was thinking and Merlin daren't interrupt. He decided not to correct Arthur. It was probably better to leave him thinking that he hadn't been using magic until then.

"I'm grateful to you for trusting me enough to call me. I know that must have been hard for you."

Merlin barely recalled shouting 'Arthur' when he woke up. He felt his stomach flip at his words. That had been an accident. A cry for someone after yet another nightmare.

"Wait here for a moment. I'll send for some food". Arthur patted his leg, stood up and walked to the other room. Merlin listened to Arthur as he moved about next door. The king talked briefly to someone outside, a servant or knight maybe, and made his way back to Merlin.

"Gaius said you need to eat when you can to regain your strength. I was coming here anyway to make sure you did as you're told, for once."

Merlin tilted his head. The familiar banter was comforting. "Were you worried about me?"

Arthur snatched a pillow from under the skinny servant and threw it at his head.

"Hey! What happened to caring for the sick?"

"You aren't that sick." Arthur's face became solemn once again. "Merlin. About the…" He lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers.

"We need to sort this out quickly. The sooner you tell Gaius, the sooner he can fix you."

Merlin swallowed.

"You're too much of an idiot be a sorcerer anyway." The very thought visibly calmed Arthur, whereas it made Merlin flinch as his guilt slowly built up again. "Get some rest. I'll break it to him. If you do it, his heart will probably give out."

Merlin wanted to protest. He'd rather explain the situation to his guardian himself.

"No, Merlin. I'll do it. You're not exactly subtle."


	2. Chapter 2: Arthur's amazing plan

**Chapter 2. Arthur's amazing plan**

As soon as the Court Physician entered, Arthur was on him like a palace cat on a mouse hunt.

"My Lord?" The old man was a little surprised to see the king.

"Can you help Merlin?"

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Sire? I am not sure that I understand you."

Arthur checked the corridor and closed the door tight. He edged his way to the table set by a small window. perhaps wanting to give comfort but unsure of how to do so in this situation. He gestured for Gaius to sit on one of the chairs. The elder obliged.

"Before I share this with you, I need your word that anything said here will not leave this room."

Gaius let his lips draw into a fine line. His eyebrows raised in curiosity but he remained stoic. He could sense the seriousness in the young King's tone.

"Of course, my Lord."

Arthur looked over to the various vials and books left out from his physician's potion-making. Gaius' reputation as the best physician of Camelot was not a simple rumour. He had been in his father's service and had taken care of the young king when he was a boy. As a child, Arthur had never gotten sick of his own accord. He was mainly treated for training and battle wounds. King Uther had commended the trusted member of the court with his and his heir's well-being. Arthur could still taste his weekly tonic that the late King had insisted Gaius give him. It was administered to make sure that Arthur grew up as strong and healthy as possible. It seemed to work, as he had never had an illness in his life unless you counted those caused by magic.

The thought made him inwardly shudder. He turned his attention back to the task at hand. Merlin needed a cure, and Gaius was the best man for the job.

"This concerns my manservant."

"Merlin?"

Arthur sat in the adjacent chair. He wanted to gauge the old man's reaction to the news in case Gaius reacted badly.

"I know you care for him deeply. The news that I have may be a shock to you, but believe me when I say I want to help him any way I can."

Gaius shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His eyes widened slightly, barely noticeable unless you were looking for it, which Arthur was.

"Sire?" The physician prompted.

"I think I know what has been the cause of Merlin illness. I know that he hasn't just gotten sick. He's not exactly been himself for a while."

Gaius nodded slowly. "Yes. That is common in patients who suffer inanition. It's normally from the exhaustion and irritability. Luckily his case is nothing too serious. He's been eating everything I've put in front of him over the past week so he is well on his way to recovery. The boy hardly remembers to eat unless I remind him."

Arthur took that little piece of information under his belt for later. If a simple change in diet could have prevented the illness, maybe Merlin wouldn't have been so vulnerable to magic. It was a sound thought in his mind. He really was too skinny for his own good.

"Actually, Gaius. What I have discovered is far graver than what I had originally thought."

The old man was looking slightly worried now, but he was hiding it well. He probably should have chosen a better way to phrase that sentence.

"You must understand, Gaius, that this is a delicate matter. Merlin had wanted to tell you himself, but I insisted that I do it. I can only imagine how painful it would be to hear such a thing from his own mouth."

He glanced to the room where his manservant resided. He was asleep last time he checked.

"Merlin called for me not too long ago as I was walking past your chambers." He moistened his lips with his tongue. "What I saw in there… things were floating. Gaius. It was magic."

"Are you certain, Sire?" Arthur didn't think it was possible for his heavy, wrinkled eyebrow to rise any further.

"I am certain."

Gaius' breath quickened. No, no. He didn't want him to panic.

"I refuse to hurt him if I can help it", the king told him, reassuringly. "I've never seen him look so shaken. We both know how scared he is of magic. One mention of a sorcerer and he acts like a spooked horse."

The physician calmed a bit, much to Arthur's relief. Though he did not know at which part of what he had said had brought about this effect on the old man. Was he glad that the king wouldn't harm his ward, or that Merlin had yet to be corrupted by the magic? Arthur figured that either was fine.

When the young king turned his attention back to Gaius, he didn't know what to expect. "I think of him like a son. If he were to face the pyre I would gladly take his place. If you banished him, I would not hesitate to go with him. I only wish he wasn't so…"

"Clumsy? Stupid?"

"Yes, I suppose", Gaius accepted in good humour, though his voice had a grim undertone. "What are you going to do with him?"

Arthur swallowed to prepare himself before jumping off of this particularly tall cliff.

"I want to help him."

Gaius was quiet.

"Gaius, do you think you can cure him?"

And now the old man didn't know what to think. It showed on him quite plainly. Both men were looking to the small backroom.

A sigh escaped the old man. "You wish for me to 'cure' Merlin of magic?"

Arthur nodded seriously. "I know you used to have it before the purge. My father had briefly spoken about it on occasion. I thought that you could do whatever it was you did then with Merlin. He hasn't been corrupted yet, so there's still time."

"Sire, I don't think-"

"Please, Gaius. I can't lose another person to magic." It came out a loud whisper. "There must be a potion or something you can give him".

The physician sat with his head reeling. Arthur was afraid he would pass out.

Finally, Gaius replied with a simple nod. When he did, the king relaxed forward over his chest in relief. The worst part was over. He'd trusted his physician with Merlin's secret and it paid off. Now Merlin wouldn't need to worry about Gaius finding out. Arthur hoped it would make his servant feel less alone. He didn't need to go through this by himself.


	3. Chapter 3: Food goes in your tummy

**Chapter 3. Food goes in your tummy**

When Gaius had mentioned that his ward's malnutrition (no matter how minor) had attributed towards his illness, Arthur looked to remedy it. Not that he wasn't concerned about it before, his servant's health was important after all. But with the situation he was presented on his visit, he took it much more seriously.

The trip to the kitchens took a while from the physician's chambers, as they were on the far side of the castle. The kitchens, accessed at ground level, had a few rooms below the initial floor which helped when the amount of food that needed to be prepared increased substantially at feasts, events, and important visitations of the royal and noble variety. The store rooms were also located underground to keep the food from spoiling in the sun during the summer.

There were several passages towards the kitchen for servant use, so the people bringing the meals would not be seen in the main corridors. Arthur used to use them as a boy to hide from his nurse maids and, on occasion, the odd doting Lord and his daughters. The older servants could probably recall seeing the young prince sneaking off from his royal studies to steal a treat when the cook's back was turned.

Arthur chose to use a servant tunnel as he knew from experience that it would be faster than the grander hallways. That, and he would be less likely to walk into his uncle. Though he had been a great help in running the kingdom and making decisions, the king had noticed Agravaine's dismissal of any and all servants in the castle. This, of course, applied to Merlin as well. He didn't want to have to deal with his uncle's thoughts on the matter at hand.

It didn't take him too long to reach his destination. He smelt it before he saw it. The cook had been making her famous pies again and the air was thick with the scent of cooked meat and pastry. It made his mouth water.

He had hoped to be in and out quickly but he had no such luck. Mary, the head cook, caught him before he had even made it through the door. She really was the scariest person in the castle.

"What have I told you boys about comin' into my kitchen? I don't care who you are. You ain't stealing my pies", roared the vicious woman. Her rolling pin was gripped firmly in her hand. She wore flour like a Saxon warrior wears war paint.

Then she got a proper look at him. Her red face turned even redder. But she didn't lose her composure. She had, after all, been spanking him for causing her trouble since Arthur had been a wee bairn. Although she could no longer punish him for invading her kitchen and interrupting her work, the cook knew that the young king still understood that here her word was law.

"My Lord, what brings you here?"

Dust coated her apron and hair, and dough covered her arms and hands in a thick layer. His eyes wandered to the first batch of pies freshly taken out of the oven and laid to cool. Instead of stealing what he needed he decided to propose a more permanent solution to Merlin's problem as the situation presented itself. He really was a coward when it came to dealing with this woman.

"I need your staff to prepare an extra set of meals from now on."

She wasn't amused. An extra set of meals meant more work for the already busy cook. "Whom will the meals be for, Sire? Servant, Knight, Noble…?" Her attitude turned and a smile formed on the side furthest from him. "Wife?"

Arthur blanched. He had been aware that the servants somehow knew something about his and Guinevere's relationship, though he couldn't guess how. Maybe Merlin had let it slip. He wasn't exactly the brightest boy.

"Servant. My manservant is sick because he's incapable of something as simple as feeding himself. It's thanks to that that the idiot has taken time off."

Mary wrinkled her nose. "Can't imagine how. That boy is always stealing from here."

He coughed at that. "Yes. Well, when Gaius releases him he'll be taking his morning meal in my chambers and eating in the servant hall unless instructed otherwise. I trust you are able to add one more person in?"

"Of course, your majesty."

She went back to kneading her pastry. The cook could sense the king's fidgeting and sighed, slamming the dough on the work-table loudly. Arthur jumped.

"One pie, young man, and no more", she relented. "There needs to be enough to go around the council advisors, and I don't need a moaning old codger complaining because his pie went to a servant."

Arthur felt like a child again. The woman had to be a witch; she could always read his mind. Still, he nodded his head in thanks.

"You will be compensated".

"I should hope so".

* * *

It wasn't until the King of Camelot rather awkwardly walked out of his chambers, that everything said between himself and the king actually started to process. About half way through the conversation, Gaius had been told by him that he knew of his ward's magic, and that he wasn't going to prosecute him, at least not immediately. The old man didn't want to know how King Arthur came to the conclusion that magic could be cured, but this could work in their favour.

For now, Gaius needed to have a very strong word with the dark-haired manservant. Just what did that boy think he was playing at? In the event that it was all an accident caused by Merlin's untameable magic, he was still going to get an earful for downplaying something so potentially dangerous. Unfortunately, Merlin did make a habit of not telling people if something was wrong with him.

Standing up on shaky legs, Gaius calmed himself from the initial shock of the past ten minutes. He shuffled up the couple of steps that led to Merlin's room and pushed on the door. The oak wood turned easily on the rusty hinges with little force. The old man poked his head around the frame.

What he found was a very sheepish looking Merlin leaning his head against the pillows, which were currently singed in one corner, and his few possessions littering the floor.

"Merlin", he began. "Mind telling me exactly what happened?"

His ward shimmied his body up the bed until he was semi-upright, leaning against the wall.

"I got careless."

Gaius sat at his feet and gestured for him to continue.

"I let my magic do what it wanted for a bit", he said slowly. "It's too exhausting to keep reining it in. And…I guess I fell asleep."

His brow furrowed. "You had a nightmare."

Merlin looked away in embarrassment.

"When I woke, I might have called the prat's name. How was I supposed to know he was outside your chambers?"

His ward's shoulders slouched.

Gaius pieced together the rest of the story. "So, he came in and saw your magic?"

A forlorn nod.

"Well now Arthur seems to think that I can cure you. He told me that you called him because you were scared of magic".

"At least now I don't have to worry about him seeing my accidental bursts."

"That's no cause to celebrate, my boy. He may not doubt your loyalty to him, but he does know that you possess magic. It leaves you in a vulnerable position."

Magic was still banned on pain of death. If he was found out by anyone else, or if Arthur suspected him of evil, Merlin's life would be a short one.

"So, what now?" Merlin was looking at this mentor with wide and hopeful eyes.

"I'm going to cure you."

"Gaius!"

"I promised the king that I would try. I won't cure you of magic, of course, but we need to get to the bottom of your little control problem."

The young servant bit his lip. If he regained control, it would look like he was getting better. That should be enough to placate the King for the time being.


	4. Chapter 4: Books have words in them

**Chapter 4. Books have words in them**

Merlin was woken to his master's proud footsteps and the smell of something meaty. His sleep had been a light one, a drizzle of sweat dotted his forehead. He didn't have time to get up though before Arthur bounded into his room, Gaius dawdling behind.

And, like it had been doing for the past week, Merlin's magic decided to become active once again. This time turning a few of hairs into feathers.

The servant watched his master cough and look towards his cupboard over-enthusiastically, preferring to look anywhere but at the source of magic for the moment.

"Gaius. Is there a reason why Merlin's eyes keep changing colour?"

The old man stood neutrally in the entryway. He didn't hesitate when he answered. "The Old Religion teaches that there is a pure energy is inside everything that has life. It is often referred to as Aether or Quintessence, the fifth element after fire, water, earth and air. The gold eyes are a sign of that energy coming to the surface as magic. Without it, you and I would not be here today."

The king looked thoughtful.

"So, if the energy was removed, he could die?"

"Indeed, Sire. I could try a few potions but I fear his problem lies with his lack of control"

Merlin vocalised his irritation. They were talking as if he wasn't there. "I'm right here, you know."

Arthur examined him with a mix of emotions. He chose to keep the conversation light. "And you're currently a bird. I know your name is 'Merlin', but you're not supposed to be one."

"It's only a couple of feathers. I haven't grown wings and flown off."

"Who knows? It might happen. Magic is unpredictable from what I have gathered." The king watched as Merlin's eyes dimmed. He needed to play along. He knew that. But this was untrodden territory, and one misstep could land this wizard an eternity in the dungeons or a date with the town pyre.

"Listen to me", Arthur reassured. "I told you I won't let anything happen, and I mean to keep my word."

The warlock's eyes caught sight of a rather familiar looking pie. It was one of Mary's. He was sure of it. Being the king did have its perks sometimes, Merlin supposed. At least he knew what it was that he felt like dribbling to since he woke up. The king must have been down to the kitchens before visiting.

Arthur watched him with interest.

"Well, at least you've developed an appetite, my boy." Surprisingly, Gaius had spoken first. Merlin had nearly forgotten that he was also in his room. "The King, very kindly, brought it up himself for you."

His Royal Pratness looked as if he was about to argue, but thought better of it and swallowed his pride.

"That woman could wrestle a bear if it went after one of her pies. Are you sure it's for me?"

"Yes, of course I'm sure, idiot. Just don't expect another one. I'd rather fight another dragon then face her again."

"Right, Sire."

It was funny how easily they fell into their usual banter. Arthur spoke briefly to the physician on his way out.

"I'll be back later, Gaius. I have duties to attend to. I'll see if I can search the archives for anything that could help."

* * *

After going through a mountain of paperwork and checking on the knights, Arthur began sorting through the books in the vault.

Most items of magic had been destroyed during the purge, but the more valuable artefacts had been kept under lock and key. That, of course, included various writings and literature. Books were fountains of knowledge which could be used in the fight against magic and evil, or that was how Uther had seen it.

Arthur hoped to find information that could help his servant's current predicament. If in the event that Gaius couldn't fix him, he wanted to explore other options. The plan was good in theory: search through books on magic to find something that they could use. The problem was that he couldn't decipher any of what was written.

"Old Religion", the king sighed as he tossed another tome to the side and skimmed the next book.

Occasionally he would recognise to odd note scrawled in the margins as Latin or Gaelic, but that was as far as he got.

Luckily, after a long hour of searching, he found a few titles that he could read:

 _Sha. Highman: A Guide to Essence and Control_

 _An introduction to sorcery –_ 'They must use this for beginners', Arthur thought.

He took these and another nameless book with him out of the vault, hiding them under his cloak. Arthur hoped that they would be of some use. If there was one thing that he had learnt from his lessons as a boy, it was the absolute first rule of a tactical win; know your enemy. It did unsettle him slightly, delving into the world of magic.

There was the underlying fear that exposure to sorcery would corrupt him as well. Arthur's late father had ruled with all magic kept a far distance away, like a disease.

Walking past the knights had been a small challenge. Even when he had ordered them back to their posts, Gwaine wouldn't leave him alone.

"So, Princess. How's Merlin?"

"Go back to your training, Gwaine." The shaggy knight stayed at his heels like an overgrown puppy.

"Not yet. Gaius won't let anyone near him except you, and I haven't seen him for over a week."

"He's not dying. He needs rest; something that you certainly won't give him if you go up there."

Arthur stopped when he heard Gwaine sigh deeply behind him. It was very out of character for the usually boisterous knight.

"You know, he hasn't been the same since Lancelot. Merlin was closest to him out of all the Knights. And he nearly lost Gaius. He thinks of him like a father."

Arthur knew what it was like to lose one. Though he doubted his father loved him with the same unconditional warmth and fondness as Gaius had for Merlin. Gaius was as much Merlin's rock as Merlin was for himself. And he'd never admit it out loud. His servant's head was big enough as it was.

But he had noticed a small change here and there. Merlin acted the same as usual, but he had less of his seemingly limitless energy. His eyes always showed something beyond his outward glee. If there was an uncomfortable subject in conversation, he would change the topic completely or try to provoke him.

"And he hasn't gone near the training grounds since the Lamia."

It was Arthur's turn to sigh. Gwen had told him what happened when the Knights stayed silent. Being alienated by people you had grown close to over the years can't have been a pleasant experience. And he hadn't been the most sensitive person to Merlin when he killed the Lamia. 'It's almost good to see you' was what Arthur had said before he turned all of his attention to Guinevere.

Arthur swore that he wouldn't let Merlin down and he planned on keeping that vow. He needed to get these books to him.

"I have to go, Gwaine."

The knight relented. "Alright. I won't keep you any longer, Princess."

Had Arthur turned around, he would have witnessed Sir Gwaine running to the tavern with three spare water skins clasped in his callused hands. But that was normal for him.


	5. Chapter 5: Drink yourself stupid

**Chapter 5. Drink yourself stupid**

Merlin expected it to happen sooner or later. There was the small hope that it wouldn't happen whilst there were still feathers attached to his head, but there could have been a worse sight to walk in on.

Gaius was out on his rounds and Arthur was off being a prat to the rest of the council. That meant that Merlin was left in Gaius' chambers alone. Originally, he had wanted to spend his time reading through one of the books that the King had brought. One of them had been an absolute joke, but the other two were usable. In fact, he found himself actually tempted to read through the 'beginners' tome just to see if he had missed any of the basics.

Gaius had laughed 'till his eyes were dripping salt water. The idea of the Great Emrys, no matter how young, learning from a book of magic meant for children was hilarious. Merlin's ears tipped red in embarrassment.

Luckily, he had opted to rest instead and leave the books under his bed for later. The day had mentally exhausted him and a good forty winks would help him process some of what had happened. Merlin didn't know what he would have done if, when Gwaine came flouncing in, the knight had seen his magic books.

He had seen his hair though.

"You're looking…decorated?"

The knight looked his friend up and down with a smirk slowly pulling on his mouth.

"Seriously, mate. Why do you have raven feathers in your hair? Practical joke from someone or are you trying to impress a lady?

Wish I thought of it."

He ruffled Merlin's hair.

"Wow! They're really stuck fast." He then proceeded to pluck them out one at a time. Merlin held back a yelp as each feather left his scalp. It felt like pulling out a chunk of hairs at once. Luckily there were not that many. The task was over as quickly as it started.

"Hey, you thirsty?"

Gwaine moved his hands to his belt where his water skin was tied. As he handed it to Merlin the unmistakable air of alcohol entered his nose.

"You smuggled in ale?"

"You would have done the same for me, mate."

"No, I wouldn't. Gaius would kill me before I'd make it across the room", Merlin sighed truthfully at his friend's antics. The knight just sat there and grinned, stupidly.

"True. Call it paying back the favour I owe you from the pickled egg incident then."

"That was years ago." He only got a laugh in reply.

Merlin placed it down on the bed after taking a sip. He wasn't a drinking man, but with everything going on, if there was ever a time to drink it was now. It warmed the back of his throat is it went down and left a comfortable heat in his chest. He looked to Gwaine, questioningly.

"It's Dandrane's special spiced ale. You remember I last told you that Percival's been staring at her since that raid on the slavers, right? Well, he finally talked to her."

Gwaine took the skin from on top of the blankets and gulped a portion of the drink down loudly. He passed it back to Merlin who absently also drank. This particular subject had been a popular one. Percival was known to be reserved, particularly when it came to women, so when the muscles of Arthur's personal knights finally showed an actual inclination towards women, and one woman in particular, he became the top subject of gossip. It would be nice for him to settle down and start a family, knowing what Merlin did about the knight having lost his. He would make a good father: he was already popular with the children in the town.

A collection of knights had found Dandrane after a mission to track the slavers that were reported to be causing trouble in the outer villages, kidnapping pretty women to be sold on. The tavern owner had happily let her work for him, and she seemed perfectly content after a month of getting over the ordeal.

Gwaine was passed the skin again and took his turn.

"That's great, Gwaine." The warlock was excited for his friend. When the ale found its way back into Merlin's hands again there wasn't much left. He finished it off. Then he noted the suspicious look on his face. There was something Gwaine had purposely left out.

"What is it?"

Gwaine shrugged in mock ignorance.

"What are you hiding?"

"Perce' does love her, we all got that much correct."

"But?"

Merlin didn't think that Gwaine could grin any wider.

"She's his sister."

And he was gobsmacked. In his excitement, the covers rippled and tried to fly upwards and, if they hadn't been weighted by a black-haired man clad in heavy armour, they would have succeeded.

Luckily, the said man was too busy drinking from another water skin that had been attached to his leg to notice before Merlin's magic calmed. He thanked his lucky stars for his friend's love of alcohol. Unnervingly, he had begun to get a buzz and lose his inhibitions too. Whatever Gwaine had given him was strong stuff. But the warlock found he didn't really care, and the more he drank, the less he cared.

"Percival's sister! That's brilliant!"

"Yeah. He didn't recognise her because it's been so long since she disappeared. His parents had thought her dead."

"Then their village was destroyed", Merlin uttered, sadly. Tiny droplets of water formed magically along the walls.

"Yeah. I can't imagine going through that."

More drinks were shared. At some point, Merlin stopped questioning how Gwaine had stashed another 3 containers on his person and decided that it was far more enjoyable to just keep drinking with his friend.

* * *

Needless to say, when Gaius arrived back at his chambers he was not amused in the slightest. Sir Gwaine was rambling in a drunken stupor and Merlin was giggling away at some enchanted bubbles on the ceiling. Neither were in their right mind, and they probably hadn't in a fair while judging by the five strong-smelling containers on the bed and floor.

He hoped that Sir Gwaine wouldn't remember Merlin's obvious use of magic when he was sober again. The knight was the first of the two to notice him.

"Hey hey…Gaius. Hey."

"Halloo", Merlin cut across, cheerily.

"Good evening", the physician answered with a stern expression eye. "Mind explaining to me why my patient is intoxicated with enough ale to incapacitate a horse?"

Gwaine looked to Merlin and tilted his head in thought. "Are you a patient, Merlin? Oh! There's bubbles above your head."

The servant looked upwards. "Oh yeah. So there are." He smiled like the idiot King Arthur kept calling him. "Oh oh oh! Guess what, Gaius! Percy has a Dandelion!"

"A 'dandelion', Merlin?

"Yeah! Isn't it great?"

Merlin was completely in his own world. If the circumstances were different, the old man would have been content to see Merlin in such bliss. It had been too long since he had smiled like that. Gwaine, however, was a little more coherent.

"Well, it looks like my work here is done!" Gwaine declared, proudly, at the state of his ward.

When the old man was sure that Merlin's friend could stand up by himself, he called for a guard nearby to help him to his room. He hoped that they could pass off his ward's magic as a hallucination if he remembered it tomorrow. Gaius would be having a strong word with Merlin later.

* * *

 _*Dandrane(Dindrane) was Percival's actual sister in the old legends. She was rescued by her brother after being kidnapped. She is known as the Grail heroine – Dandrane donates her blood to cure a maiden of leprosy but dies. I won't use that story because a very loose version of it already had been used with the cup of life and Merlin's mother._


	6. Chapter 6: Think of yourself, Sire

**Chapter 6. Think of yourself, Sire**

Morning came. Merlin did not wake with the sun. In fact, he didn't look to be active until at least after midday. Gaius had woken his ward to give him something for his hangover. Merlin kept his eyes screwed shut throughout. No doubt his head was pounding.

Leaving the boy to sleep, the physician got to work on his morning set of potions and checking his stores for things he would need to collect later. The gathering would normally be done by Merlin, but it was too risky to send him out with his magic all over the place. He'd have to go himself or perhaps ask someone else to do it. A stable hand or kitchen boy would suffice.

"Any progress?"

It was the King. Why he was up at such an hour he didn't know, but he could guess that he wanted to visit Merlin before he began his duties.

"None I'm afraid. I hope I can calm his magic with a tincture of hemp and valerian root."

The young King nodded though there was little understanding on his face. He hadn't been taught the healing arts so the properties of plants herbs were beyond him.

"Are the books any good? I still can't believe that idiot can read."

"They're fine, My Lord. I plan on going through them with Merlin when I have time I can spare. Perhaps you would be willing to allow me a look at the collection of books that you were unsuccessful in identifying."

"Yes, of course."

It was well known that Gaius' knowledge of languages was vast, challenged only by Geoffrey of Monmouth, the keeper of records in Camelot.

Rather abruptly, Sir Gwaine stumbled into the chamber.

"Gaius. I seem to have a devil inside my skull."

"There seems to be one in front of me as well", Arthur jested, irritably. He wasn't happy about having their private and definitely illegal conversation about a certain clumsy servant interrupted.

"Sire", the knight greeted.

"Gwaine", Arthur scowled.

Gaius intercepted. "On the table next to you". Gwaine spotted a bottle that he recognised as the drunk's regular dose of hangover cure.

"Not in the cupboard?"

"I had a feeling you'd need it after last night." Gaius' eyebrow was raised high.

"Ah…right."

The King became even more irritated. "Last night?! You were here last night!"

Sir Gwaine laughed. "He needed it", he said and left it at that.

The knight volunteered himself for collecting Gaius' herbs. As it turned out, Gwaine knew his hemlock from his ragwort. All of that wondering in his years as a vagabond had dealt him a few useful skills.

Meanwhile, Arthur went to check on Merlin.

* * *

When Camelot's own live-in sorcerer had finally finished worshiping the great God of Clay and Pail, Arthur bravely peeked in.

"Still enjoying your night of drinking, Merlin? Is the ale as good on its way out as it is going in?"

Merlin's head was pounding at a steady drum beat. Combined with the bitter taste of vomit on his tongue, he was not appreciative of the noise his master was making. Still, he tried to be joyful.

"What about Gwen? You're spending all your spare time with me instead of her". Merlin gave him a teasing look. "She'll get jealous."

Arthur slapped him around the back of the head. Neither missed his eyes glow gold as a jug suddenly sprung off the bedside table. Merlin watched as the king tried very hard not to flinch away. He had a strange way of showing affection but he knew he meant well. He almost missed the King's face heating up.

"Actually, I need your opinion on something."

Merlin tilted his head.

"What do you think girls like? Don't look at me like that. You're practically a girl yourself, Merlin."

"I don't know...flowers? Candles?"

"Candles?"

He shrugged. "Mother always liked it when I made her one. In Ealdor, when one of the animals died or was slaughtered, I would try to get some of the suet. We didn't have a candlestick maker in the village so we either made do ourselves or bought from passing merchants."

"A Tarrow candle? Wouldn't that stink?"

"We were poor, Arthur."

The King began to mull it over. Merlin kept himself occupied by drinking from his goblet. It soothed his sandy throat on the way down.

"I'm going to propose to Guinevere."

Water spewed from his nose. Thankfully in this instance, there was no magic.

"I'm going to tell my uncle later. I wanted to tell you first. You've known about 'us' the longest out of everyone."

"That's fantastic!" Merlin had something to smile about. His heart grew lighter. "It's about time."

Arthur scowled at him but playfully.

They discussed the topic for the small part of half an hour. As time progressed, Arthur anxiety became more and more obvious. His palms were moist, his words contradicted themselves as he ran his thoughts at Merlin, and he would not stop fidgeting. Eventually, Merlin put the poor prat out of his misery and offered his own opinion.

Arthur seemed to like it. "That's…actually a good idea. It's almost like you have some intelligence under that ridiculous scarf."

"Although, with your lacking romantic skills, you should just ask her the next time you see her. Get it out the way. I know she'll say 'yes' when you finally do, you clot-pole."

"And the idiot's back." Arthur sighed good-naturedly. "But when I ask her, I want it to be when you are better."

"That will take a while, then", the warlock spoke plainly. "You really don't need me to hold your hand, do you?"

Arthur cooked him the dirtiest look he could muster. "Of course not!"

The King fidgeted with his feet when the room grew silent.

"Do you really think she'll say 'yes'?"

Merlin rolled his eyes and, for the first time in eight days, got out of bed. He was a little weak in the legs from disuse. Arthur had half-forgotten the conversation topic as he stared, open-mouthed at the manservant.

"That's it! You are proposing to Gwen tonight, and I don't care what you have to say otherwise."

Arthur couldn't help but state the obvious. "You're out of bed."

"Yes, I'm 'out of bed'. You are not really giving me a choice here. I'll make an order with the candlestick maker. It's still morning so he should have enough time for a small amount before tonight. I'll also gather any going spare in the castle, with your permission, Sire."

"A..absolutely not. You can't go out until that magic goes away."

Merlin was already stumbling towards the entrance.

"You can't even walk straight!"

"That's Gwaine's fault."

"And yours for going along with it. I'll get George to handle everything."

Merlin grumbled as he climbed back into bed. He knew Arthur was right. That didn't mean he would admit it though.


	7. Chapter 7: Maids know everything

**Chapter 7. Maids know everything**

Guinevere was waiting for him in his chambers. Not in a questionable way, of course. The maid still had her virtue. Or at least Arthur hoped she did. Merlin might have been right when he said he over-thought things when he was nervous.

"You've been to see Merlin, my Lord?" The maid curtsied politely, her arms full of washing.

Arthur jumped in surprise. His mind was still on Merlin, and he had not expected to see her. The King coughed to cover up any yelp that might have escaped his mouth, then nodded his golden head in confirmation.

She bit her lip in worry. "You've been going there a lot recently. Is he getting worse? It's okay to talk to me about it."

Arthur thought quickly before piecing together his answer. This was a complicated situation and he didn't want it to get out of hand, or upset her. "He's recovering slower that what Gaius predicted. He found something else that's been hindering his recovery."

"Oh my! I hope it's nothing serious."

"It wouldn't have been a problem in the first place if he had less to stress over the past few months. Even when he's well enough to come back to work, I fear that he will never be the same."

There was a short silence between them. Guinevere had closed her beautifully shaped eyes to calm herself. The king counted every strand that flayed from her dark lashes. When they opened, there was an acceptance that had settled on her soft features, and a sadness also.

"I think I know, Arthur." Gwen tiptoed hesitantly around the subject of her speech. "You don't have to hide anything from me."

"You do?"

"Come on, Arthur. I should know better than anyone with my past."

Arthur assumed the logical reasons. Namely Morgana. It had been…unfortunate. Morgana had been corrupted, no longer the good, kind sibling he once knew.

She continued. "I think I knew for a while but I only pieced it together when Lamia didn't affect him."

Had magic been affecting Merlin for that long? Had magic protected him from the magic of another? There was so much that he did not know when it came to sorcery. Was it simply, as he had heard Gaius say, 'that you could not infect what was already infected'? Perhaps the power developed over time and was not apparent then.

"You accept it?" Arthur did find it a tad odd with how calm his secret love was being at the taboo.

"Of course. We've known him for years. And if it wasn't for Merlin, things could have got a lot worse. I'm grateful."

Merlin had always been special; overly loyal and a sense of duty that rivaled his own knights, unusually well informed for a mere servant, good counsel when needed. Arthur did always say there was 'something about him'. It all made sense. He went above and beyond what was expected of his lowly position. Overworking himself.

"He's helped me a few times", the King agreed.

Arthur pondered then. "You know he never goes to the Tavern unless the Knights drag him there or he's alone. I swear, the number of times he scarpers off instead of working." He sighed in acceptance. Merlin often used terrifically bad excuses each time he went drinking. "I can understand why he didn't tell us what was going on. He's probably ashamed of who he is."

She chuckled. "You always did call him a girl."

"I still do. Can't help it if he is one."

The maid sobered.

"I knew Merlin took Lancelot's death worse than all of us. I was selfish, Arthur. I asked him to protect you, and in doing so he gave his own life. I would not be surprised if Merlin hated me. Actually, I wished for it. Instead, he held me as I cried like a child, not shedding a single tear for himself."

Arthur murmured, "They spent a lot of time together alone. I remember when we retook Camelot together. He wouldn't let my servant out of his sight."

"Yes", she whispered. "Whenever I passed the training fields, I always saw Lancelot searching out Merlin in the crowd or lock eyes in silent conversation that only they could understand."

If Arthur were a lesser man, he may have felt the sharp punch in the gut known as jealousy, but he respected and loved his lost brother-in-arms. The man had died a hero, and the King refused to allow his memory to be sullied with pettiness.

"And he practically worshiped him", she continued. "I've never seen him so concerned with anyone, even me. Merlin only received his highest praise. They were closer than brothers."

Yes. That was certain. Even his drink-loving knight, Gwaine, had mentioned Lancelot.

Guinevere pressed on. "And then there was the few times they've bunked together."

"Excuse me?"

"When Morgana was still with us, he would leave flowers in all of the rooms. He took a great deal of care arranging them. The steward it was one of the few things he had a talent for."

"Flower arranging?"

"Though I should have probably guessed before now, what with his hobby."

"Hobby? Merlin has a hobby?"

"I'm positive that you've caught him a few times yourself. It was quite funny, looking back on it. Morgana's dresses kept going missing. We were concerned about it until I found Merlin in the corridor with one."

The King's head was a spinning disc. "Dresses?"

This was starting to sound suspiciously like…

She couldn't possibly be suggesting…

No no no no. No. The king didn't know to laugh or cry.


	8. Chapter 8: Cause for Celebration

**Chapter 8. Cause for Celebration**

Guinevere had been kept busy all day. From just an hour after her little talk with Arthur, she was being rushed about the castle. Everyone had a new job for her to do. It was exhausting.

The most frustrating part was that no one was allowing her anywhere near the town. Regular chores like laundry and fetching water had been overwritten to helping the cook or cleaning the old guest chambers, which hadn't been used in months. Thick layers of dust had accumulated on all of the surfaces. The beds were particularly bad. One of the senior maids had been kind enough to provide her with a rag to cover her nose and mouth.

On opening a window to air out the next living-space due for a scrubbing, Guinevere stopped to catch her breath and looked out over the town, tiredly. She spotted George, Arthur's 'too perfect' replacement servant. She chuckled at his choice of clothes, which vaguely resembled Merlin's. George would never admit it, but he looked up to Merlin, at least in the ambitional sense. It wasn't every day that a low born, fatherless bastard was made manservant to the Prince-come-King, even if nobody was aware at the time.

Indeed, not one person in Camelot had known of Merlin's heritage until they had first seen his mother when she pleaded with the late King Uther for aid for her village, Ealdor. Her lack of wedding ring became subject to the whispered gossip of the servants. Fortunately, word of this never reached Uther's ears.

Her talk with Arthur that morning had settled some anxiety. The King was clearly distracted by Merlin's illness, but his emotions were not a depressing nature. Tears did not fill his eyes like they had when her friend had been poisoned, and his hands did not shake as they had when he was missing and presumed dead.

George walked briskly back and forth, between the castle and the lower town, with a blanket-covered basket in his signature 'got-something-stuck-up-his-bum' walk. Arthur had once joked that Gaius should check him over for worms. Gwen knew that George was merely taking pride in his work.

She left the window and began clearing the room before dusting.

The sun slowly lowered, and soon she had to work by fire light. She had saved the King's bed for last in the hopes of getting a moment alone with him. She treasured her time with Arthur despite his flaws and the impossibility of a relationship with their differences in status.

Guinevere striped the final bed and prepared the clean coverings and blankets. There were quiet footsteps behind her belonging to the owner of the room himself. The maid had become used to the light sound of his toes when he crept about. He did so a lot more than he used to, and each time Gwen knew his eyes were fixed solely on her. She'd caught him more than once walking into people and walls whilst trying to be stealthy. And he said Merlin was the clumsy one.

The servant decided to humour him, playing the part of a surprised maiden as his hands gently caressed her arm and tied a piece of cloth over her eyes as a blindfold. Silently, they motioned through the darkened corridors, his hand always steadying her before even the faintest stumble. Guinevere gasped as her legs were lifted effortlessly from beneath her when depending on the stairs. Her arms rested around his neck as she let herself be carried.

She'd have rolled her eyes if they were not already covered. Arthur was a hopeless romantic, though more hopeless than romantic. Most of his gifts and outings had been organised by Merlin, and not him. Still, she couldn't fault him for trying.

Her feet found the ground once more. It was rougher than inside the castle, and the air blew colder. Outside, she guessed. Arthur took Guinevere's shoulder and eased the maid through the streets.

The familiar sound a door, her door, creaking open alerted Gwen to where she was. She was greeted by warmth and the unmistakable scent of burning. Good Lord! She hoped that he hadn't actually tried to cook a chicken this time.

Arthur carefully removed the fabric, making sure he didn't catch her hair. The room was filled with glowing candles. Along the walls, on the table, every surface was covered.

He sat her down and kneeled humbly.

"Guinevere, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

The maid's heart slowed, replaying the words in her head until the meaning of them hit her. Gwen searched his face for sincerity. His expression was the same one he wore whenever he had defied his father to do what he thought was right. The same one he wore before marching off to battle.

Guinevere leaned forward and held him tightly. Tears began to gather in the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Taking in his scent and knowing the man in her arms would soon be hers, a great happiness settled in her chest like a thousand butterflies wanted to fly out.

Her love's voice gave an uncertain, "Is that a yes?"

She wanted to laugh, but she ended up apologising instead.

"Yes", she repeated over and over.

"Yes"

Gwen would have to remember to thank George.. and maybe give him one of Mary's pies.


End file.
